Love & Sex - Sagittarius

Now, when I say the word, you've got to duck. Do it now! There, that was painless, and you managed to miss being trampled on by a clumsy Sagittarian as they tripped over the cat and knocked the canary's cage for six. There's something about this sign that makes doors slam on their fingers, all your favourite ornaments crash to the floor whenever they're around, and their food jump off their plates and arrange itself all down the front of their frocks. (Well, that's their story, anyway!) These folk are so accident-prone it's hard to keep a straight face as they fall flat on their noses yet again, but luckily they're often the ones who lead the laughter. They're such a jovial bunch! These Fiery lads and lasses are ruled by that giant Jupiter, making them expansive (and expensive, if they're expansive with the loot - especially when it's not theirs!). You might be wondering why they're the sign of the Archer (no, it's got now't to do with Ambridge!). Well, there's the hunter on his horse (and Sagittarians adore all things equestrian), pointing his bow and arrow at a target, and that's how Sagittarians behave. They set their sights on something they want, take aim and fire. If they're lucky, they'll hit the bull's eye first time round. But often they'll get carried away and shatter all the glass in the greenhouse instead, or hit their brother on the bum. Ouch! Sometimes the Sagittarian's expansive nature will get the better of them, and they'll tell tall tales, exaggerate and make promises that they can never fulfil. But when they're being positive, they're an inspiration to us all. They're fabulously philosophical folk, high-minded, and on a spiritual search for the truth. Some Sagittarians have a thirst for knowledge that will never be quenched. Even if they live to be a hundred they'll still have things they want to discover. Archers have such itchy feet that all the foot powder on the planet won't be enough to stop them wanting to travel the world. A lot of these folk aren't happy unless they've got a suitcase in one hand and a map in the other, and are about to embark on a voyage of exploration. And whole quivers full of Archers decide to emigrate, or roam around from one country to another, because they'll choose jobs that take them to all corners of the globe. Wherever the Sagittarian man hangs his hat is his home. He loves and needs his freedom, and the last thing to do to him is to tie him down, otherwise he'll be restless for evermore. (Sexy Virgoans who go in for bondage could be the exceptions to the rule!) He'll be suave and sophisticated, with an eye for the high life, and if he could he'd breeze in and out of the world's airports in his constant quest for new sights and surroundings. As for the Archerette, she's gay and gregarious, flirtatious and fun. Although she'll love her freedom, she won't be quite as footloose as her male counterpart, but she'll have an equal urge to splurge - her bank balance could hit rock bottom as her natural extravagance takes over!

What cosmopolitan Cupids! Even if the most international you get with your Sagittarian sweetheart is the Chinese take-away on the corner, they'll still manage to make you think that you could be sitting in an exotic restaurant out in the East. Unless you want to watch your Archer amour make a bolt for the door (and I don't mean at their ironwork evening classes, either!), you've got to give 'em room to breathe. And with these Mutable misters and misses, that could mean anything from not asking them what time they'll be home tonight, to helping them pack as they decide to take off for the Orinoco for six months, just to see if it's still there, leaving you at home with the HP payments. What a sauce! ('Someone's got to keep them up' the Sagittarian will say.) Their need for freedom is stunningly strong, and with their disarming (some would say it's discombobulating - look it up in a dictionary, darling!) honesty and blunt candour, they'll make no bones about it. And fidelity isn't numero uno on their list of love's priorities, either. A sensitive wee Water sign, such as a Cancerian or a Piscean, will ask their Archer amour if they love them. 'Well, I don't know' the Sagittarian will say, making their poor paramour totter on their tootsies with the shock. Sometimes that Sagittarian straightforwardness can provoke the most fearsome furores! The lesson these folk have got to learn is that not everyone transmits loving signals on the same wavelength as themselves. (Other people's can be a very high frequency indeed.) They must understand that a romantic relationship is a contract of caring between two people, and they can't trample all over their partner's feelings with their desire for honesty at all times. Sagittarians can be sensationally sensitive themselves, and because they're a Fire sign they won't be short of emotion, but they've got to think before they speak. (Some of them can really put their feet in it and land themselves in lots of trouble!) The partner in passion of any Archer must realise that these folk can't stand doing the same old things night after night. The same sexual shenanigans performed always at the same time, and always in the same way, will drive them to distraction. (Literally - they'll find some delicious distraction in someone else's arms.) They need some adventure in their lovers as well as in every other aspect of their existences. Their romantic recipe has to be seasoned with a lot of spice if you're going to keep them coming back for more and, in fact, the odd orgy wouldn't go amiss. (And for some Archers, the odder the orgy, the better it'll be!)