By Bob Strauss

“Hi, it’s Kathy! I don’t know if you’ve been trying to call me over the last few days, but there was a freak storm that knocked the phone lines out. Well … um … everything’s fixed now, so hope to hear from you soon!”

If you’ve ever left this none-too-convincing message on your boyfriend’s answering machine — after he’s tactlessly ignored you for an entire week — you need a new, less transparent excuse to ring him up. Such as:

1. You need to settle a stupid bet
“My friend Mary says a radish is a legume, but I think it’s some kind of tuber. You went to Texas A&M — who’s right?" If your boyfriend expresses disbelief that you’d bother him with such a trivial question, explain that you’ve already asked a half-dozen people and called him only as a last resort because “I know you’ve been really busy lately.” If you’re lucky, all this talk about tubers and legumes will segue into an invitation to dinner — or at least a big salad.

2. Your computer crashed and you don’t know what to do
Guys love to rescue a helpless damsel in distress, especially if the source of her anxiety is a big piece of complicated hardware that “only men can deal with.” Since fixing a PC usually involves lots of booting and rebooting — and hence plenty of down time — this is a great opportunity to catch up on what he’s been up to. On the off-chance that he actually knows what he’s talking about, make sure you fake a realistic problem.[$MSN.ARTICLE.CTALINKS$]3. You can’t believe who the Red Sox just hired as pitching coach
Guys avoid phone calls because they fear they’ll be dragged into painful conversations about commitment, communication, or “where is this relationship heading, anyway?" If you pretend to cultivate an interest in something completely useless — like baseball, NASCAR racing or MAD Magazine — he might call you more often. Then, when his guard is down, ask why he’s never said “I love you.”

4. You thought you just saw him on TV
“Hey, were you on the corner of 17th and Main this afternoon? I was just watching the six o’clock news, and there was this goofy guy behind the reporter waving his arms and making faces…” The good thing about this excuse is that you can send a subtle message, depending on what TV show you claim to have been watching. “I just saw this documentary on Bravo about the guys they rejected to be on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. Was that…”

5. You just had an unexpected visit from your ex-boyfriend
This one cuts to the quick, but hey, you’re not being touchy-feely here — you’re letting your beau know he’s been treating you like dryer lint. Be purposefully vague about the details, but claim the experience left you emotionally devastated and in need of reassurance. If he has any imagination, your (current) boyfriend will fill in all the blanks himself. Heck, he may even start calling you every fifteen minutes.

Bob Strauss is a New York-based freelance writer and the author of Who Knew? Hundreds & Hundreds of Questions & Answers for Curious Minds. Email him your thoughts here.