By Randy B. Hecht

Every year, without fail, I receive a birthday card from the two men I was in love with at university. Since I’m 44 and they’re 54 and 46, we’re talking about two good friendships with two men who have been important to me for most of my life.

So why didn’t I marry one of these paragons? For the same reason no other woman has married either one: They’re poster boys for the commitment-phobic and wouldn’t be caught dead saying “I do.”

Typical?If you’re a single woman, it’s easy to think all men are that way … or at least that all the ones you meet are that way, as if you have some magnetic force field that draws all commitment-phobes and only commitment-phobes into your orbit. Need some encouragement to keep your enthusiasm from flagging? The next time you meet a man who “would be just perfect … if only he were willing to commit,” remember both sides of the story:

It’s a two-way street. We tend to focus on the guys we want who don’t want us. But there have been a few who wanted you really badly and would have committed in a heartbeat