By Margot Carmichael Lester

OK, OK: You probably should have known better.

But your date was so cute. And such a good conversationalist. You just didn’t want to jinx it. But now you’ve done it. You’re hooked all right, just in time to discover a potential hitch in the old giddy-up—your date’s not religious. And you certainly are. Now what do you do?

First of all, don’t freak out, says Boo Tyson, M.Div., executive director of the MAINstream Coalition in Prairie Village, KS. “As far as I can tell, God does not require that we only associate with those who believe just like we do,” she says. “Sure, it may make some things easier, but you might also miss out on something incredible with a person who has a different understanding of God than you do.”[$MSN.ARTICLE.CTALINKS$]Share your views
Now that you’ve regained your composure, it’s time to talk to your date about this issue. Tyson, whose partner is of a different faith, says she’d handle it this way:

“Take the person to a nice café or out to dinner and tell him or her that you need to say something important. Then just speak from your heart. Be your real self. Explain why you’re observant, what that means in terms of when you’re available and, depending on how he or she responds, invite your date to join you sometime. He or she may not have to be observant, but I hope you would not settle for someone who did not respect its place in your life.”

Get perspective
So if you get some pushback or reservations from your date when you take this step, know that it’s not a good sign. Consider this advice from Rev. Anthony Selvaggio of the Reformed Presbyterian Theological Seminary in Pittsburgh: “Remember Samson (Judges 16:4-30), and cool the romantic relationship until the religious issues are resolved. Samson fell in love with a woman who did not share his religion. His imprudence led to personal humiliation, national defeat, and even his own death.”

For this reason, Selvaggio says, “Religious compatibility is a matter of first importance when it comes to dating. Religious convictions are ultimately a reflection of an individual’s core values and worldview. Our worldview acts like a GPS which guides us through all of our major decisions in life. When people have two different worldviews, they end up going in two different directions as a couple.”

Work at making it work
Just because you and your date don’t share a faith or level of belief doesn’t mean you necessarily have to run in opposite directions, though. It’s a matter of seeing if you two can mesh in spite of this difference. Sara Miller of Cincinnati has experienced this firsthand. She dates someone who’s very religious, though she is not. “My boyfriend’s father is a minister, so my boyfriend attends church every week and is very active with other members of his congregation,” she explains. How do they make it work?

“Keep an open mind while remaining true to your own beliefs,” she says. “I listen and become involved without completely changing what I think. We haven’t had issues with this as we are both very open and listen to each other. It is against his church’s beliefs to celebrate Christmas, while Christmas is big in my family. He becomes involved with my family celebrations without compromising his beliefs and I attend religious holiday celebrations with his relatives without compromising mine. The idea is to compromise to make both of us feel comfortable.”

Find the balance
In the end, you have to have faith in yourself to make good decisions and in God to guide you through difficult choices. “Then,” Tyson notes, “you won’t have to limit yourself to those within your faith community but can find a partner who can respect and appreciate your faith even if he or she does not share it with you.”

Margot Carmichael Lester is a freelance writer in North Carolina. Send your faith-based dating questions to AskMargot@match.com and she might answer you in an upcoming column.