By Margot Carmichael Lester

Approaching someone who catches your eye in a bar or at a party can be challenging enough. But in a house of worship? Can you even do that?

Of course, according to Rabbi Ephraim Buchwald, founder and director of the National Jewish Outreach Program. “The synagogue, the temple or the church is an absolutely marvelous place for people to meet,” he says. “One of the most difficult issues of the dating scene is identifying the values of prospective mates. Meeting someone in a house of worship usually is a way of clearing up ambiguities regarding a person’s values.”

So now that you’ve got the green light from a religious official, how do you get started?[$MSN.ARTICLE.CTALINKS$]Meeting and Mingling
Once you feel comfortable with the concept of meeting someone at your place of worship, try these tips:

• Get involved. Besides singles ministries, there are plenty of opportunities to meet people. “A spiritual community is active daily and has many opportunities to meet others outside of the typical service,” adds Rev. Bonnie Barnard, associate minister of Unity Church of Bainbridge Island, WA, and founder of the National Forgiveness Tour (www.theforgivenesstour.com). “Grab a bulletin and find out where your interest aligns with the church’s needs and offerings.”
• Find an angel. “A good way of doing this is by using a third party who can introduce the two people to one another,” Rabbi Buchwald says.
• Move around. Sit in a different place each week, or attend different services. “This way, you can take notice of others you haven’t seen before,” Reverend Bonnie says. “Sit next to someone you don’t know and introduce yourself. You never know who they know and it’s good practice to step out of your comfort zone.”

Initiating the Flirt
Wait a minute—flirting in a religious setting? Isn’t that a sin or something? “The only time I think flirting in church is inappropriate is if it is detracting from the primary purpose of church, which is worship and learning,” observes Lori Rogers Baker, who met her husband, Michael, at their Houston church. “Socializing or ‘fellowship’ is also an important part of church. If you’re single, then flirting with someone you’re interested in is a natural part of socializing, so I don’t think there’s anything weird about that.”

But when exactly is it OK to flirt? “If a sacred moment is at hand, it may be inappropriate to flirt just then. However, before and after services is a free-for-all,” explains Reverend Bonnie. Sometimes, you can even seize the right moment during services. “The priest said something really funny—unintentionally,” recalls Grace W., a Brooklyn resident. “I made some comment under my breath, which I often do. [A man] heard and started laughing. During the rest of the service, we commented back and forth on some things. After the service, he introduced himself to me in the car park.”

Staying the Course
Don’t feel that playful banter has to happen right away. Meeting someone at a house of worship lends itself to a slow and steady approach. Explains Michael Baker, Lori’s husband: “Meeting somebody at church is a lot easier than a bar because you get to know the person over time versus trying to make a connection in 15 minutes,” he notes. “At church, there is the possibility of seeing that person several times a week in a group situation, where you can relax a little as you are not forced to keep the conversation going.” So don’t feel pressured to use your best lines; take your time and keep turning up next to the object of your affection, and see how things unfold.

And If It Doesn’t Work Out…
Of course, not every relationship we start in a house of worship is a match made in Heaven. Sometimes, the necessary chemistry and other requirements just don’t add up to romantic success. How do you handle that—particularly in the typically tight-knit spiritual community?

“If you meet at church, go out, and you don’t click, then just be adults about it and keep doing what you were doing,” says Bob Spain of Raleigh, NC, who has recent experience with this situation. “Keep going to Sunday school. Keep going to worship service. After all, I think you have to keep in mind the real reason that you go to church. You go for spiritual reasons. If you just happen to meet someone while you’re there, then that’s just an added perk.”

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Margot Carmichael Lester didn’t meet the love of her life at church (they met online, naturally), but she still considers meeting Prince Charming at the age of 41 an act of Divine Intervention. Her romance advice also appears in the anthologies How to Survive Dating and How to Survive Your Marriage.

Got questions or concerns about faith-based dating issues? Send them to Ask Margot and she might answer them in an upcoming column.