By Andrea Orr

You might say the concept of not losing yourself in a relationship is overrated. You’ve already spent your share of Saturday nights at home alone, and you’ve stood out like the third wheel at dinner parties where everyone else was coupled up. Lately, you’ve always been the one who was there with nothing better to do than take your friends’ late night phone calls, take your grandmother to church, or work the late shift. Now it’s your turn. You’ve finally found someone you want to spend every minute with.

So why not? If you disappear for a while, any good friend will cut you some slack. Your grandmother may not even want to go to church anymore (now that her prayers for you have been answered), and, in the dawning days of love, it may not be realistic to rigidly adhere to your five-days-a-week Yoga routine.

Live a little, go a little crazy and dive in. This doesn’t happen every day, and you ought to drink up the experience. Do you think all those people who advise you not to let absolutely anything slide for a new love would really follow their own advice? [$MSN.ARTICLE.CTALINKS$]Doubtful.

Now, the warning.

While it may be all right to shift from an overbooked schedule to an easy nine-to-five routine, or beg off book club to accommodate the new man or woman in your life, you don’t want to fall into the trap of abandoning your old routine so entirely that you shift into a brand new but equally predictable one. Variety really is the spice of life, and that’s true for coupled as well as single life.

I once had an all-consuming, forget-your-friends kind of relationship where we enjoyed each other’s company better than anyone else’s to the point that we sometimes looked like a little cocoon unto ourselves. After a long and drawn-out split, I started dating someone else. I failed to notice that he had an entirely different style, including a number of projects and social commitments that didn’t include me.

Right away, I started to do exactly what felt familiar. It was only a ridiculously short period of time before I told him that my ex still had the spare set of keys to my apartment but that I could easily make him another copy. At that, my new boyfriend physically backed away and got this look of shock and horror on his face that seemed to say, “Why would I want the keys to your apartment?” Of course, he was right. It was way too soon.

A friend shares a more amusing story of the day her new doting boyfriend was transformed into a standoffish guy who couldn’t get enough space. It happened one morning when he was in the bathroom, brushing his teeth. She walked in on him and proceeded to use the bathroom. When she looked up at him, she saw that same look of shock and horror.

“How did it come to this?” he sighed as his face went pale. Soon enough, that fresh canoodling intimacy always gets replaced by that old-sock feeling, so there’s really no need to rush it. It’s probably unrealistic to suggest you not change a thing in your life when a new boyfriend or girlfriend enters the picture, but follow these few rules, and it should help you keep your new love—as well as all your friends and your job.

Be clear about what is really important. Imagine that all the people, all the obligations and hobbies in your life are like juggling balls. Some are made of rubber and will bounce happily along if you forget to catch them for a while. Others, however, are made of glass and will shatter into a million pieces.

It’s the same distinction between missing a girls’ night out and missing the funeral of a good friend’s parent. Leaving work on time versus not getting to work on time. Skipping that lecture at the local library versus forfeiting your tickets to the Madonna concert that your sister tried so hard to get. Not all distinctions are so dramatic, but you get the picture.

Keep things somewhat unpredictable. You don’t have to be the type who plays games to appreciate a little bit of variety in your partner’s routine. Unless your new sweetie has severe abandonment issues, he or she will respect that you do have other things in your life and simply can’t be there at all times. This is not about being manipulative but about being you. Of course, when you can’t see each other all the time you start to miss each other, which is also good for a budding relationship.

Take it slow with the super-intimate moves. We’re talking about the “my keys are your keys” mentality, and certainly, the open bathroom door policy. It’s a fine line between new infatuated couple and old married couple, and if you’re not careful, it can happen before you ever make it to the altar!

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Andrea Orr is the author of Meeting, Mating (…and Cheating): Sex, Love and the New World of Online Dating.