By Jason Kennedy

Once a relationship ends, the partners involved have a few options regarding the terms of their break-up. They may go their own ways, which can prove difficult if they have mutual friends; they can elect to remain friends, which can also prove stressful as boundaries are established and new intimate relationships are pursued; or they can choose to be “friends with benefits” and maintain a casual physical relationship.

Sex with the ex is often a satisfactory option for many gay men: It’s convenient, there is no “first meeting awkwardness” that may come with one-night stands, it satisfies any physical urges, and it’s generally emotionally safer. However, there are also drawbacks such as boundaries becoming hazy, not moving on, and subconscious elements of it being more than a mere physical act.

Sounds great… where do I sign up?

As mentioned, it can be a satisfactory agreement, especially if both men found that the issues for their break-up didn’t lie in the bedroom, but in other aspects of the relationship. It can be a lot more convenient, and certainly safer, than going home with randoms. [$MSN.ARTICLE.CTALINKS$]Even though you have broken up, there’s also an emotional blanket there; with the stresses of living together removed (or whatever it was that caused the relationship to dissolve), it’s more likely that you’ll enjoy one another’s company and that will make “intimate” moments more pleasurable, too.

Although it is less common, sometimes a physical relationship can lead to both men getting back together. (However, this should never be a factor when weighing a physical relationship—most of the time, that’s all it will remain.)

Maybe not…

Emotional lay-over during the transition from an emotional relationship to one that is purely physical is usually quite complicated—if not for both partners, then usually for one of them. This is the stage when certain boundaries need to be established: How often they see each other, where they meet (they may even decide to get together away from where they lived—environments that hold memories), and what physical actions specify intimacy. Gay lifestyle magazines and web sites have even established guidelines that should be followed by casual sex partners.

Of course, if you choose to remain physical, pursuing a new relationship becomes a lesser priority—and perhaps you are both happy with that, but it’s something that you need to discuss during the break-up phase.

It’s also important to consider the fact that, eventually, one of you may decide that you are ready for a new relationship. Sometimes this can become complex if, on a conscious or subconscious level, one partner (usually the one who was more emotionally involved in the relationship) starts thinking that the relationship is more than “just physical.”

To prevent the above aspects becoming issues, the decision should not be taken lightly, and all of these aspects should be discussed thoroughly before a decision is made.

Be wary
Sometimes it’s important to remember why the relationship didn’t succeed in the first place: Can you make a physical relationship work, or will it end up like the original relationship?