By Margot Carmichael Lester

“I just moved to a new town and the first thing I wanted to find — after a fabulous apartment — was a place of worship,” recalls Joey Thomas of Jacksonville, Florida. “It was harder than I thought because there weren’t a lot of rainbow flags flying from the local churches.”

Joey’s not alone. Many gay, lesbian, bi and transgender worshippers have a hard time finding a welcoming house of worship. But keep the faith. We asked Reverend Sean Patrick O’Reilly, a Seattle-based Celtic minister, psychotherapist, spiritual and life coach for his advice on finding a spiritual home. [$MSN.ARTICLE.CTALINKS$]“I realize that finding a GLBT-friendly house of worship is like entering a labyrinth,” O’Reilly acknowledges. To make it easier to find the best individuals, communities and resources for spiritual growth, O’Reilly suggests you:

• Do an online search for a GLBT-friendly minister or life coach in your area.
• Check out the chamber of commerce’s business listings. Surprisingly enough, lots of churches list here.
• Look over bulletin boards in typically progressive businesses, like coffee houses and gyms. You can often find GLBT-friendly faith groups advertising there.
• Check online message boards like www.craigslist.com for the local scoop on services and religious organizations.
• Attend GLBT events and ask around. First-hand recommendations are always helpful.

Checking it out
Once you’ve got a list of faith communities to check out, O’Reilly says it’s important to keep these three things in mind:

1. Healthy spiritual communities welcome newcomers completely—mind, body, and soul. “Be attentive to your gut instincts while speaking with ministers, community members and spiritual guides,” O’Reilly says. If you hear any negative or hostile teachings about gender or sexual orientation, this isn’t the place for you.
2. Healthy spirituality makes life easier. “Take notice of how you are welcomed and observe if others like you have been welcomed in this particular house of worship before,” he says. If anyone is unwelcoming, go to the next church on your list.
3. Healthy spiritual communities need to meet your needs. “Before attending services, research your top three priorities for spiritual communities,” he says. What do you want from your faith-based life? A social network? Bible study? Choral opportunities? Figure out what you want and look for a community that provides everything you’re looking for. “Stay well away from any house of worship that will cause you suffering instead of honoring how you suffer.”

You’d better shop around
The old adage “try before you buy” also holds true for finding a place to worship. “I personally like a variety of choices,” O’Reilly says. “For instance, I love the selection at Baskin-Robbins or Ben & Jerry’s ice-cream parlors.” So, dig in and try many places before making your final decision.

“I must have gone to a dozen churches before I found the right one for me,” recalls Dale Fidler of Portland, Oregon. “I stuck around for the coffee socials after services and even attended a few classes at every church that interested me.”

Broadening your social circle
Not only did this thorough approach help Dale figure out what she wanted from her spiritual community, but she met some fun people in the process. “Looking for a church was a great way to meet people,” she says. “I became good friends with some of the people I met along the way.”

Finding the right place to worship is important to your spiritual well-being. But it also has benefits to your life in general, O’Reilly says. “These communities help you discover your connections, your truth and your direction.” And don’t forget that the clarity you find in practicing your faith will reap many rewards for your romantic life as well.

Writer Margot Carmichael Lester lives and works in her spiritual home of Carrboro, NC. She didn’t have to work hard to find a house of worship when she grew up because her daddy was one of the folks who helped build her local church.