By Debbie Magids, Ph.D.

You’re single again after years of marriage and are getting adjusted to your new life. You are in awe that you can leave the cap off the toothpaste without causing the next world war. You revel in the fact that you’re in charge of the remote control—all the time. But soon the novelty of your newfound freedom wears off, and then it hits you like a ton of bricks: You have to start dating again!

You are no longer in the safe cocoon that marriage provided and have been thrust back into the dating scene. It’s been forever since you’ve had to wonder what your plans would be for Saturday night, or if that person who took your number would actually call. Like it or not, my single friend—you’re out there again.

Whether you married your high school sweetheart or were a dating veteran before you married, it seems like eternities ago that you even flirted with someone who wasn’t your spouse. You take a deep breath and try to remember your last date. You think about how things have changed for you since then. You are no longer that young, energetic person who could stay out all night and still report to work on time the next day. You are older now, with an ex, possibly kids, a mortgage, and a lot more responsibility. [$MSN.ARTICLE.CTALINKS$]Additionally, you realize that the dating game has changed. Online dating is the new singles scene, email has replaced the phone call, you meet “there” instead of traveling together, and roles have become unclear. Who asks who out? Who pays?

If this isn’t complicated enough, you start to wonder if dating “expectations” have changed. You have been sleeping with the same person for years and there is a huge fear of becoming vulnerable and intimate with someone new. Insecurities surface: You wonder if you’re still attractive and desirable. You become self-conscious of your weight, your wrinkles, and your new grays. It’s a whole new world out there and you’re not sure you’re quite ready.

Here are a few tips to alleviate the “I am over 40 and single again” angst:

1. Treat yourself to a makeover. Sometimes a change to your outward appearance can rejuvenate you inside. Get that funky new haircut you’ve wanted, buy a new outfit, go for a massage—get a little lift and a fresh start.
2. Exercise. Feeling physically fit will boost your confidence. The better you feel about yourself, the more attractive you’ll be to others.
3. Find a support system. You need to find people who are in the same situation as you. Join a group for divorced people: a book club, a bowling team, or even a therapy group. If your circle is filled with married people, it could bring you down—and right now you need to be up.
4. Expand your horizons. Travel, pick up a new hobby or get involved with a cause. This is a great way to feel good and also to meet new people.
5. Let everyone know you’re single again. Many people know other single people and are only too happy to play matchmaker.

Look at the next stage of your life as an adventure. Now is your chance to do all the things you’ve always wanted to do. Try not to be down on being single, live for you and make yourself happy—you might just find someone wonderful along the way.

Visit Debbie Magids, Ph.D. at www.drdebbiemagids.com.