By Memory Carr MacDonald

With millions of people participating in online dating, some feel they’ve got a better chance of finding a needle in a haystack than love among the masses. All I can say to those folks is, au contraire!

Naturally, online dating has its challenges, but no more than dating in real life. Let’s face it — standing out from the crowd online is no harder than standing out from the crowd at a bar or party, is it? And unless you hang out in some seriously happening places or with outrageously popular people, where can you find a bar or a party with millions of potential matches to choose from?

Sure, it’s easier to get noticed based on your looks in person. After all, someone might see you from across a crowded room and say, “Wow. I want to meet that person.” (Don’t laugh — that’s how my parents met and they lived happily ever after!). That decision is made almost entirely on looks and body language.

But even the most pulchritudinous among us rarely experience the magic of some enchanted evening. And while physical attributes and style might be the lure, you’re not going to reel anyone in if you’re shallow, rude or cranky when they get there. Or they won’t stay hooked for long, anyway.

Online, it’s the other way around. Don’t get me wrong; your picture’s important (remember that you’re 15 times more likely to elicit a response if your profile includes a great photo, but your words are in a better position to steal the spotlight for you.

Online it’s much easier to attract interested parties with your words first. Then, if your physical traits appeal to them, you’re on your way.

What? You haven’t stopped reading and started posting or updating your personal profile? You don’t believe me? Fine. Here’s what successful (former) singles have to say about how online dating worked for them. (Hint: note the strategic use of “former” in that last sentence).

Up-to-date = dates
When Brenda-Donovan Seidenberg met her husband on russellgrant.match.com, she was serious about finding someone, and so was he: “Our pictures were current and our expectations were clear… no outdated photos!”

Lessons learned:

1. Be honest about your looks. Posting a photo of you that’s years old or “retouched” isn’t fair to you or your potential matches. Use a photo that’s an accurate representation of your current looks. No matter how you feel about yourself, there are people out there who’ll find you attractive (if you give them the chance to see the real you).
2. Know what you want – and what you don’t. The best way to find a match (online or off) is to be clear about what you want from life and a relationship. First, it helps you make better decisions about who to see. Second, it helps others determine if you’re a good match for them. And it’s all based on these most-important criteria: shared values and goals.

Artistic flair is a good thing
Sara Taylor was attracted to her boyfriend by his artistic black and white profile photo: “What attracted me to his profile was his photo,” she says. “This particular B&W photo caught my eye, and I debated about winking at him, wondering whether I really had a chance. I took that chance and I haven’t regretted it since.” She and her “Greek God” have been dating for nine months.

Lessons learned:

1. Show your personal style. Being yourself is a great way to stand out because each of us is unique — although some of us seem to forget that at times. Don’t shy away from showing your true colors (even in black and white). In addition to the standard head-and-shoulders shot, include a couple that show you pursuing your interest. One guy I know posted a shot of him reading his favorite book with the title exposed. It garnered a lot of interest from women who also enjoyed the book.
2. Take a chance. Sometimes long shots really pay off. If you’re moved to act, do so. Send a wink, IM or write a letter. For some folks, it’s actually easier to make the first move electronically. You might never go up to someone in a café, but there’s a level of anonymity with online communication that can offer a little buffer. Use that to your advantage.

Now are you ready to start online dating or improve your existing profile to increase your odds? Great! Your timing couldn’t be more perfect.

Act now and enter the Steal the Spotlight contest by midnight Sunday, January 9! Create a killer profile using these tips. We’ll pick the profile most likely to succeed based on content, attitude and photo(s). The winner will be featured on the site as the online single best positioned for success in the New Year. Don’t miss your chance, get that profile going now!