It’s true: Butterflies in your stomach, the excitement of anticipation and even nervousness are signs that love is in the air. So is your relationship a reasonable facsimile that will work for now, or have you found true love?

1. Fleeting love
Ah, falling in love. Actually we often fall for the illusion of love—qualities

	Personal growth by one party in the relationship can cause a relationship to end.

we think a partner has but ultimately doesn’t. When we fall in love, many of us unknowingly, and even knowingly, fall for that illusion. It’s the stuff of flings and heartbreak.

Laurel, a 50-year-old interior decorator from New Jersey, says of one short-lived relationship, “He was only who I wanted him to be, but never himself.”

The rescuer, hero, princess, enabler or other archetypes you fell for in years past may no longer serve you. Personal growth by one party in the relationship can cause a relationship to end.

Michelle, a 42-year-old office manager from the Midwest, recalls, “The intense

The “time will tell” adage bears out whether it’s true love or not.

emotions felt so good that I thought I must be in love. Now I believe it was just my self-esteem needing a boost.” Michelle has since moved on with the notion of a better partner in mind, on par with her improved self-image.

2. Emotional needs
If your partner is meeting — and hopefully exceeding — your emotional needs, then the relationship has potential to endure. When these needs aren’t met, a relationship can turn into a power struggle, and conflict ensues.

Derek, a 46-year-old business owner from Boise, ID, notes some of his relationships suffered communication breakdowns. “It’s not good when one person is doing all the listening and the other is too caught up in their own situation to offer it in return,” he says, adding, “talk less, and you will get less out of the relationship.”

3. Real deal
The “time will tell” adage bears out whether it’s true love or not, suggests Mark, a 41-year-old IT consultant from Milwaukee. “Short of giving it time, I don’t know if there are any quick, sure-fire tests,” he says.

Sean, a 40-year-old recruiter from Dallas, says shared values go a long way toward relationship stability. “Having a hassle-free relationship helps things continue, but it’s similar values that keep the fire burning,” he says.

Mindy, a 43-year-old consultant from rural Kansas, counters, “I’ll know it when I see it. You can build on the sum of your past experiences to create the real thing.”

Marcia Jedd is a freelance writer.