Alan Goldsher, russellgrant.match.com

Those who are serious about playing the dating game know how important it is to make a good first impression. And while this desire to impress is most likely coming from a sincere place, it will often lead to saying something about yourself that, while not a lie, isn’t exactly true. As it so happens, it’s usually us boys who tend to tweak the truth.

In my ongoing effort to put an end to the theoretical War Of The Sexes, I offer up translations of some thoughts and phrases you might read in a typical male’s online dating profile.

When he says, “I live life to the fullest every single night,”
He might mean, “I like to get hammered every single Saturday.”

When he says, “I’m career oriented,”
He might mean, “I work 73 hours per week, so don’t expect to see much of me.”

When he says, “I have an interest in cars,”
He might mean, “I spend an inordinate amount of time tinkering with my Beamer.”

When he says, “I like getting jiggy with it,”
He might mean, “I can’t dance my way out of a paper bag.”

When he says, “I’m shy until I get to know you,”
He might mean, “I won’t complete an entire sentence until our fourth date.”

When he says, “I’m a big sports fan,”
He might mean, “All my Sundays between September and May are booked.”

When he says, “I want to take things slowly, one step at a time,”
He might mean, “I want to date 31 girls at the same time.”

When he says, “I’m the kind of guy who likes to try anything,”
He might mean, “I will throw a water balloon at anybody, any time, any place.”

When he says, “I like good food and good wine,”
He might mean, “I’m kinda fat and kinda drunk.”

When he says, “I’m looking for somebody special,”
He might mean, “I have no idea what I’m looking for.”

When he says, “I’m an excellent cook,”
He might mean, “I’m an excellent heater-upper of food prepared by excellent cooks.”

When he says, “I’m an avid golfer,”
He might mean, “I’m an obsessive golfer.”

When he says, “I don’t like meeting women in bars,”
He might mean, “I love meeting women in bars. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to.”

When he says, “I’m a good catch,”
He might mean, “I’m only a little bit desperate.”

When he says, “I like to party,”
He might mean, “I like to party … a lot.”

When he says, “I’m usually pretty easygoing,”
He might mean, “I’m usually pretty somnambulant.”

When he says, “I love animals,”
He might mean, “I have four dogs, who you’ll get to take care of when I’m out of town.”

When he says, “I want to be in a fully-committed, monogamous relationship,”
He will hopefully mean, “I want to be in a fully-committed, monogamous relationship.”

So jump into the online dating scene and start scanning profiles … just don’t take everything at face value. Before you fall in love, connect online with several email messages to really get to know the other person.