Q&A WithDan Jones
By Caitlin Ascolese
Read the Article at russellgrant.match.com
Q&A With…Dan Jones
By Caitlin Ascolese
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As the editor of The New York Times‘ “Modern Love” column, which was compiled into an anthology that’s out this month by the same name, you must have learned a thing or two about dating and love along the way. What would you say is your most surprising discovery? |
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I’m most surprised by people’s resilience when it comes to dating. Of course, a lot of people tend to write about their more extreme experiences, because those, they feel, make for better stories, so maybe I’m getting a skewed portrait of broken hearts. But everyone seems to dust themselves off and get back in there. |
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How do you think the dating scene has changed recently? |
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Women are more financially independent and have less incentive to get married or stay married. So the playing field is more even, which I think makes people pickier. Also, it seems to me this whole thing about a “soul mate” is a relatively new concept. There are a lot of demands on today’s relationships. People seem to expect that it carries everything these days: friendship, business partnership, sexuality, parenthood. It’s a lot to ask. |
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Modern-day single people often text or email each other. Is this a good or bad thing romantically? |
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In the accounts I’ve read, email, IM and text-messaging all seem like great ways to get to a certain level of intimacy fast, but in the end people’s relationships still either succeed or fail in person. In fact, they might even be more awkward because you feel like you’ve advanced so far into a relationship with the person online that you feel like you’re meeting a different person when you get together. Also, we’ve all experienced in our business and personal relationships that misinterpreted email or mistakenly hitting reply when you meant to forward. In dating, when everything is supercharged anyway and you’re hanging on every clue for what the other person feels about you, these mistakes can be hugely magnified. |
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Do you have any advice for daters based on what you have learned from editing this column? |
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Don’t put too much stock in what you think you “should” feel. You feel what you feel. One of the most poignant pieces in the book is about a couple that broke up because the guy was afraid to get married. And for years afterward, these two still loved each other but kept trying to deny their feelings because they’d been stung by their multiple breakups. Finally, a friend intervened to let each of them know how the other felt: that they each still loved each other. They ended up married and happy as a result, finally giving into their love instead of resisting it. |
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Caitlin Ascolese is a New York City-based writer.
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