Amiira: We were driving in the car one day and I said, “I know what the follow-up book should be!” We’d both been through heart-numbing breakups, but they wound up being the best moments of our lives that sent us in new directions and led us together.

Greg: Every person we talked to says they wish they’d just moved on. If someone is telling you “I don’t know if I’m into this…” it’s powerful to say, “Then I need you gone. I love you and wish this could work, but I’m going to take myself out of the picture.” It’s the one thing you have that’s your own. It’s like hey, how did you get into the power seat?

Amiira: You’ll always be finding excuses for why you “need” to get in touch, but the truth is, you don’t. They’re not going to hear your voice and realize they’re in love with you. It’s a huge opportunity to turn into a stronger person every time you don’t call, so put Post-Its on your phone reminding you of that. And have someone you can call when you get the itch to talk about the mundane moments you’re so used to sharing with your ex. I had one girlfriend I must have called thousands of times!

Greg: The breakup buddy can also set parameters, like “You only get to complain to me for one hour a day, and you have to tell me three new things that are happening in your life.”

Greg: It won’t do anything, except make things weirder between the two of you. Instead—and I know it sounds corny—just write that anger down in a journal or a letter that you don’t send. You have to acknowledge that you’re going to feel shitty for a while. The sooner you meet that pain and say to it, “Hi, I understand you’ll be here awhile and we’ll spend some time together and then you’ll leave,” the sooner you’re done with it.

Amiira: Trying to do it while in pain is just confusing because nine times out of ten you’re fooling yourself and actually thinking, “If we stay friends, he’ll realize how great I am and miss me and we’ll get back together.” Here’s this guy who was your guy and now he gets the best of you but can date other people? And tell you about it?! You’ll wind up wounding yourself. If the friendship is truly meant to be, it’ll find its way on its own.

Amiira: I wish I’d just walked away. Embarrassing yourself by crying and screaming won’t do anything, but not doing it will let you look back and say “I got my feelings hurt, but I kept my dignity intact.”