Q&A WithJay Manuel
Read the Article at russellgrant.match.com
Q&A With…Jay Manuel
 veryone who’s dating wants to make a great first impression, whether you’re posting your photo online, going to a party, or heading out for a first date. But how, precisely, do you do that? How do you let everything that’s wonderful about you shine through? To help, we asked Jay Manuel, who’s worked behind the scenes in the fashion industry as well as on TV, for some advice. As Match.com’s Style Director, Jay has lots of simple, useful tips on how to get your irresistible self out there. Once you accomplish that, you can relax, enjoy yourself—and start attracting exactly the kind of people you’re looking for. Here’s what Jay had to say:
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When you’re taking some photos to post online or getting dressed for a first date, you should wear your flashiest, most eye-catching clothes—right? |
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Here’s the thing to remember—if you put on that kind of clothing, people are going to focus on what you’re wearing, instead of on you. I think it’s much better to wear something simpler, so you can take center stage. |
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So are bright colors not a good idea? |
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There aren’t hard and fast rules. If bright colors are what you feel most confident and attractive in, go ahead and wear them, as long as they aren’t so fluorescent that they overwhelm you. And I will say that black is a color that looks great on just about every single person—I think it’s universally flattering and a great choice. |
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For women, the question is often how much should they show off their figure—how sexy should they dress? |
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I think you want to show off your figure the right way. I don’t think going too low-cut or too tight makes the right first impression. Something that skims your curves and follows your body is better than something that looks like you really had to squeeze yourself into it. |
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What about grooming—should you go to the salon before a big date or before taking photos to post online? |
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I’m a big believer in cleaning up what looks messy or overgrown—and that holds true for men as well as women, and I’m talking about facial hair as well as the hair on your head. It gives you a little edge and a confidence boost. But I don’t think you need to try something new or very “done”—women shouldn’t feel obligated to pay for a complicated updo. Your usual look at its best is what you should aim for, and that will have you feeling your most comfortable too. |
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OK, let’s move on to when it’s time to talk about yourself—an anxiety-producing scenario for lots of people. How can people relax and present themselves in the best possible light? |
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Here’s my favorite trick—take a minute to visualize yourself doing something you love. Maybe that’s bicycling or playing the guitar or baking. Give yourself a few seconds to really get into that place, and it’ll relax you… and remind you of what kinds of things matter to you—which is great conversational fodder. |
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Is there a way to describe your interests, either online in your profile or on a date, that will really help other people understand you? |
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You know what’s really important? Don’t just list your interests, like, “I like running, cycling, and hiking. I like being active.” Instead, explain your favorite moments when doing those sorts of things—and why they mean so much to you. For instance, if someone tells you he likes to travel, that doesn’t give you much to go on. But if he tells you he likes to travel to the oldest cities on the planet so he can imagine what life was like hundreds of years ago, that gives you so much more information. |
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Any topics to steer clear of? |
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There are all kinds of dicey topics out there that aren’t great first-impression fodder—I bet all of us know what those hot-button issues are! So, let me give you a big-picture pointer: Remember your audience. It’s very common for people to forget that they are trying to attract a mate and not a pal. So women may go on and on about their latest knitting project—which most guys won’t really spark to. And guys may get caught up in describing the changes they are making to their weight-training routine. What will give you a lot better footing is to talk about the kinds of things you like to do with someone when you two are in a relationship—whether that’s finding the best sushi in town, going to sci-fi movies, or combing your local flea markets for Fiestaware. |
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That’s great advice. Any other tips on that topic? |
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I’d say one other common pitfall, when people are presenting themselves, is they are too business-like. They reveal too much about their work credentials and resume versus the more personal stuff that really matters. So I’d advise that people remember: This isn’t a job interview. You don’t have to share a 5-year plan. Instead, talk about the things in life you’re passionate about—visiting new beaches, your dog, your charity work, whatever! |
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Fantastic. Any last words of advice? |
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Yes—keep it positive. That’s really important. Sometimes we try to play hard to get or act aloof and don’t crack a smile. But smiling puts everyone — you and the person you’re connecting with — in an upbeat mindset. And when talking about yourself — whether in your profile or over a cup of coffee on a date — don’t fall into the trap of talking about all the “two-timing losers” you’ve dated, or your “idiot boss.” You may think you’re being honest or funny, but chances are you’re only coming across as harsh and bitter… which isn’t too attractive, is it? |
For more of Jay Manuel’s great advice, click here to view Match.com’s Portrait Toolkit. |