Future Predictions


Zodiac Kitchens

ARIES (Mar21/Apr20): Aries plump for a nice juicy steak in a big open spaced kitchen any time. Being the sign of fire they’re home on the range and demand a super selection of combustible appliances ‘cos when it comes to food they’ll grill it, roast it, bake it, barbecue it, rotisserie it, in fact you can rest assured the Ram will do something saucy with their lamb chop, beef casserole or loin of pork; anything rather than be presented with a bland dish.

TAURUS (Apr21/May21): Traditional Taurus doesn’t want their food tampered with or continentalized! The best of British grub and grog keep this indulgent sign satisfied if not slim! A olde worlde kitchen with all the atmosphere of the good old days peppered with discreet modern touches makes the simple Sunday roast hearty and fit for a king and gives the perfect setting to scoff a spotted dick AND custard! Lumpy, of course!

GEMINI (May22/June21):  Sarnies and snacks keep most active Geminis going as they’ve no time to do anything fancy, they want their nosh in an instant! All that’s flash and mod in appliances and hi-tech in electrics is a must, for only when they want to impress will they try a recipe that’s deliciously different or garnished with a risky risque ethnic slant. Variety is the spice of their life!

CANCER (June22/July23): Give any typical Cancerian nouvelle cuisine and they’ll run a mile screaming for huge helpings of home cooking. The way to a Crab’s heart is through their stomach, so don’t expect to receive sincere praise for a prune precariously placed on calves liver they want sausage and mash or steak and kidney pud just like mother used to make. Pass the toad luv!

LEO (July24/Aug23):  As long as Leo’s kitchen looks better and sleeker than anyone elses and contains a melee of mod cons than the rest of the street then say ‘Hi’ to a happy pussy cat! As one of the signs who invites and entertains more than most, Leos need a cooking arena where they can produce all sorts of goodies with the applause ringing in their ears until breakfast! More, more!

VIRGO (Aug24/Sept23): Vegetarian Virgo, yes did you know that this sign is best suited to veggies? Mainly because health is uppermost in their All-Bran mind, so hygiene is very important indeed. From waste-disposal to the top of the mops Virgos keep their kitchens spotlessly clean as they’re all too aware of the germs that lurk. Watch out, watch out there’s listeria about!

LIBRA (Sept23/Oct23):  The host or hostess with the mostest Librans compete with Leo for the party or soiree everyone wants to be invited to! Ruled by hospitable Venus, luscious Librans certainly know how to entertain and the kitchen needs to reflect their love of a bit of a ‘do’ by combining both cooking spot with exclusive designer bar where neighbours can drop in for a chat or revellers relish the hors d’oeuvre.

SCORPIO (Oct24/Nov22):  A wine bar that’s what every high-living Scorpio wants! It’s a main priority in this sign’s kitchen and if they can’t cram in the real thing then a rack will do. Reds and roses lure this watery sign into the cooking space as they lace the humblest stew with a robust vino or plonk some plonk into a Spag Bog to liven it up.... just a little! Well that’s your excuse and you’re sticking to it!

SAGITTARIUS (Nov23/Dec21):  Refreshing Sangria to do-it-yourself fondues that’s this zodiac’s signs taste of food, for Saggies are fond of any cuisine with that continental touch. Super Centaurs will try their hand at a tasty spicy Pizza or throw together a Piaella that’s filled to the brim with all sorts of ingredients that no-one’s ever tried before! Even a Rogan Josh or Sushi won’t make these adventurous Archers shy away.

CAPRICORN (Dec22/Jan20): Remember plain and simple and lay off the sauce as straight-laced Capricorns can’t cope with some of this foreign rubbish that’s infiltrated the honest to goodness grub of Merrie England! Welsh lamb, Scotch beef and Irish butter, Goats need nothing more than an historic heavy oak or light pine kitchen, a doorstep of home baked bread, still warm, and a hunk of British cheese. Yummy!

AQUARIUS (Jan21/Feb19): Eclectic cooking for this electric sign, and there’s a hefty clue as to what Aquarians adore, everything that’s ever been invented needs to part of their futuristic kitchen. Saturn Aquarians are very like Capricorns when it comes to their trad taste, but the Uranian sort are the total opposite enjoying more mod and unusual food and they’ll try anything once and perhaps once more for luck!

PISCES (Feb20/Mar20): Fish can often go down like a damp squid (geddit!) to many Pisces who are more interested in the booze than the basic subject of grub. Sitting around with a glass of vino or two, or three or more will suit this liquid sign superbly, but for tee-total Fish who enjoy dreaming up some sumptuous creations their kitchen is a temple to the worship of artistic presentation and haute cuisine.


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